pluviosa | SO BELOW

"Ugh, I don't envy you. I hate that sort of thing. It's bad enough keeping track of my own gil, I'd hate to have to do it for other people. ... At least I'm not as bad with it as some people I know of."

He hasn't grossly overpaid for a sword nor a hair tie. He will gladly tease the others about that, though.

“I’m good at it, which is sort of its own problem, because it just means people dump more and harder problems on me and expect me to be able to fix them? And if they’re literally impossible and I can’t then people are mad at me…” He’s actually talking more about Cang Qiong than the Northern Desert here. His king tends to just sort of make dismissive noises and walk away when he tells him he can’t do something. He genuinely thought Qi Qingqi would scalp him one time when they were disciples and he told her that there was no laundry in the world that would save her favorite robe.

"Understandable. I understand the escalating issue problem. ... Though I'm not sure if anything is literally impossible other than things that... go against the rules of the world. And I've seen even those broken." Being dragged to other worlds isn't supposed to happen, and it does.

"But if you're talking about something like 'I can't get these things to this place on time because I can literally go no faster' then yes, I get that."

“I mean, like, ‘I literally do not have enough people available to finish this repair in that time frame’, or ‘there is physically not that much of that plant available for sale in the entire world’, or ‘laundry is not capable of actual miracles and that robe cannot be saved’, or ‘we do not have the money to buy that much meteorite ore’. Like. Mundane impossibilities. Not really stuff it would be worth trying to break the rules of reality about, even if I was allowed to do that.”

"Understandable. I don't envy you." He shakes his head. "And some people are unconvinced no matter what you say or do. It's not your fault people are stubborn bastards sometimes."

He's not exactly exempt from this, but shh.

“And when you occasionally do manage to pull a miracle out of your ass, people expect you to do it every fucking time.” He grimaces. “Being here is almost a vacation, honestly, except for it being like… boredom punctuated with terror.”

"Honestly you're not wrong. Every time the world's in trouble we get turned to. We keep pulling it off, but I don't know how long we can do that for." And it worries him to see Mykha have all this pressure put on them. He knows it affects them, even if they don't show it.

Maybe it's something only someone who grew up in similar circumstances can understand.

"And even smaller things... I'm good at fighting, but I'm expected to win every fight. I can't... always do that. I'm good at healing, but I can't save everyone. It's... a lot of pressure." He's not so sure about the 'vacation' thing, but he was about to go on one anyway so...

“I… can imagine. I’m only expected to do mundane miracles, not… save lives.” There aren’t really any world-saving heroes in PIDW. Like, maybe Liu-shidi or Zhangmen-shixiong, sort of, sometimes? But it’s not really a world for heroes. It was a world for one stallion protagonist to have no one challenge him. And Bingmei isn’t all that interested in conquering everything, so there’s just… a world, bumbling along. “I… don’t think I’d be able to handle that type of pressure.”

"... Honestly I didn't think I would be able to, either. I just... I don't know. Something told me to follow this hero I found and... it's been that way ever since. I don't regret it for a second, but it's still sometimes overwhelming. I mean, who am I to be a 'hero'? ... But you never know what you're capable of until you do it."

Shang Qinghua is unfortunately very aware of what he’s capable of. Of the depths he’s willing to sink to. He hunches in on himself a little more. Why is everyone else on this boat so fucking righteous? He’s going to get himself killed at this rate. “You do… discover things about yourself under pressure.” The tone of that statement is… bad. Extremely self-deprecating. He learned a lot about exactly what he’ll do to stay alive and the answer is ‘basically anything’. Absently, he nudges the system, just to stare at the low battery icon. Fucking thing made him into the scum he is and now he has to live with it without directions.

God, this conversation is depressing. “Have you found any unusual plants other than with the, uh, growing thing?”

"I mean, did you think you could handle logistics when you started? Because honestly if it wasn't for the person running our logistics we'd be dead many times over." If Tataru didn't know so many people and keep track of so many things they'd never get anything done.

Anyway. "Not... really. A lot of these I can't identify - other than the ones that I assume are being intentionally cultivated? I saw some popoto variations, for example. As well as rice and other things. I should ask the ship if it has a guidebook on the plants here."

“I… knew I would have to. There was never any other choice. I had to be the best at logistics.” He had to be Head Disciple and then Peak Lord of An Ding. Because that’s what Shang Qinghua is. He shrugs. “I guess it’s lucky I had a little natural talent to build off.”

“Popoto? Are those like, a root vegetable? Sounds sort of similar to the plant I know called potatoes… I was really glad to find the rice paddies, I missed rice. Exotic food is fun and all but sometimes you just want to eat something normal.”

He just gives Shang Beida a Look. Really? 'Had to' be the best at logistics? He's not sure about that, buddy.

Anyway. Moving on. "They are. ... Sometimes Lalafell are called popotoes because of their size and general roundness, but most don't like being called that." As for the familiar food... "That's one of the reasons I'm missing meat. Even some venison I'd take at this point. Hells, even an eft tail."

Give him all the doubtful looks you want, it was literally a matter of life and death.

Food is less depressing to talk about. “I know what venison is, but not eft. It’s weird how some things are the same and some aren’t across all our worlds.” Like people from the same world made all of them up and stuck a bunch of familiar things in. “Probably most people don’t like being compared to food.”

"Large beasts that live in watery caverns and are generally slimy. They can produce electricity and are big enough to swallow a lalafell whole. The biggest I've heard of is about twenty or so fulms?" He points and indicates an area that's about twenty or so feet long. "From there to there. Nasty spit, but their tails have very sinewy meat, but it's very tender if you can cook it long enough and cook it right." Not his area of expertise, though he's got basic training.

The latter part gets him to grin. "I mean, most viera don't take kindly to being compared to rabbits, nor miqo'te or hrothgar to cats. I've just heard it enough that it doesn't bother me." Not much, anyway.

"Huh. Interesting. Is a fulm like--" He holds his hands about a foot apart. "Just wondering, because that's a distance I'd call a foot. Anyway, there are a lot of weird monsters back home but it can be, uh, somewhat hazardous to eat them, because spiritual beasts can have... effects. Unless you're really sure what it is is safe, or really desperate, or prepared for, um, consequences."

"That... makes sense, I guess? In the demon realm there are a lot of animal demons but they just... are animal demons. Like, Tianlang-Jun's sister married a snake demon so his general his nephew Zhuzhi-lang is half Heavenly Demon and half snake demon, which didn't actually mix very well. Um. Sorry, I got... off track. Animal demons are generally like, descended from actual animals--or I mean spiritual beasts but like close enough--that cultivated a human form, so they're not really like... conceptually distanced from them?" Whoops, worldbuilding infodump!

"That's about right, yes." He listens and... you know what, sure. "We do have auspices, which tend to be animals that live long enough to gain intelligence equal to a person's. And magical powers too, but... you know. That's kind of obvious. Some of them have humanoid forms I think? Or maybe some just choose not to have one. I haven't actually met any myself."

He's just heard stories. Apparently Mykha ran into some but he wasn't around at that point. "I know hyur and elezen can mix, but I have no idea about any of the other possible mixes. I think some wouldn't work for uh. Size reasons?"

"That sounds close-ish to spiritual beasts. Ones that haven't cultivated to human form usually are like, reclusive. Well, and they all avoid humans. Demons avoid humans mostly too unless they're, uh, attacking them, honestly." Or unless they're harassing the only human in the Northern Desert. If nothing else, he's novel. Demon children stare at him in the streets.

"...I mean. People are inventive. I can't imagine someone hasn't tried, even if not, uh... reproductively." ...shit, his 'I live in a horrible sex world' is showing.

"... I mean, I imagine that's true? To be honest I... erm." He glances away and flushes slightly. "It's not something that I have... I mean it sounds interesting but -"

Gods, he's walked into an awkward corner. "There are certain usual expectations in the bedroom for men that I don't... meet." He clears his throat and - "On. On a physical... level. I don't..." He scratches at his neck as his ears fold back. "I don't have -" Nope, he can't say it. "Well. It's not... unheard of, especially with my people but it's... most people expect to ah... see certain things?"

Please let this get the point across.

Shang Beida processes that incoherence for a moment and then-- "Oh, you're trans? I mean. Uh. That's probably not the fantasy word for it is it. I mean. Uh. Not fantasy. Um. I'm not implying you're fictional. Uh. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are fine with that? People were definitely willing to sleep with trans men in my first life I was on the internet I saw porn. I mean. Oh god I need to stop talking I'm so sorry." He covers his face with his hands. He is so, so terrible at people.

He has no idea what the internet is but like. Now they're both flustered. "I - I mean for viera we're basically indistinguishable sex-wise until we hit puberty and by that time I was already going by a masculine name and pronouns." So yes. "I don't think we really have a word for it? And it's just..." He drags a hand down his face.

"It gets a little awkward in bathhouses sometimes and while I don't think people really care it's not the easiest topic to bring up? I was er... blessed with less than ample. Uh. Features. So it's easy to hide under clothing. ... I don't really tell people, I think the only ones in the Scions who know are Tataru and Krile since they were taking care of my body when I was on the First. It's not like I'm not a man because of my body but... I just let people make their own assumptions."

"That... makes sense if like... I mean obviously if there's no way to know what's going to happen not everyone is going to like... guess right or whatever..." Help. ...wait, they don't have any distinguishing sexual characteristics until puberty? Do they have a fucking cloaca or something? Do they grow an entire dick when they hit puberty? Do they grow a vagina when they hit puberty? How the fuck does that even work? How do you grow a vagina? Okay, Airplane, stop thinking about the genitals of the dude in front of you, even if it's a weird worldbuilding question. Do not ask him if he has a cloaca.

"That's, um, sounds... convenient? To not have to... worry too much about... people assuming incorrectly?" Oh god help just because he's gay doesn't mean he's good at this. He is so, so cisgender. "Dicks definitely aren't the be-all and end-all?" No that was not a helpful thing to say shut up Airplane. "And there's strapons-- no shut up stop talking. Sorry I. I am really bad at having a filter." His face is definitely bright red now. This is so, so much more awkward than like, oh shit fellow disciple we walked into a Dusk-Blooming Mistvine and now we have to fuck each other or die and then we'll just put our clothes back on and go home and never talk about it again because that's just a hazard of existing in the world it doesn't need a conversation.

God this is horrifyingly awkward even for him. How does he escape this. Should he go jump in a rice paddy? No he just did laundry.

Don't ask what you don't want to know, Airplane. "I - I mean I know there are. Things. But I don't tend to - uh. There are certain areas of Ul'dah I avoid because of the kind of conversations that go on there. There are things that I think I'm not... ready to listen to." Anyway. He clears his throat.

"Anyway. The point is that I can fight as well as anyone else and the only other paladin who can reliably kick my arse is one I don't want to fight."

The problem is he kind of does want to know, he's going to wonder now, because it's a worldbuilding question. He just is aware enough to know that it would be horrifyingly rude to be like 'hey what the fuck do you have a cloaca or how the fuck does it work to grow a vagina'.

God, imagine just being able to avoid the one area where people talk about sex. There is no avoiding the topic or concept of sex in PIDW.

"Um. Yeah. Definitely absolutely no, um, hindrance to your ability to kick everyone's arses. I'm sure you could kick my arse." Like, sure, he has a sword and cultivation, but he's not that good a swordsman. Someone with actual training--especially a comparable decades of it--is definitely gonna Liu-shidi on his ass.

"I mean, I don't - I try not to brag about it but I've picked it up frighteningly quickly. In the Wood my weapons were usually a bow and a short sword, but adapting to a shield has been fairly easy. ... I'm no Warrior of Light, but I can hold my own against a blasphemy or two." Or several.

He shrugs a little bit. "But honestly the point is - doesn't matter who you are or what your skills are. You've got something to contribute and you worked hard for those skills."

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